You Know You’re 34 When…

34th-birthday-wishes

…you thank the doorman, bartender, grocery checkout clerk, literally anyone — sincerely and profusely — when carded

…it takes twice as much time in the gym to see half the results

…you accept that “training” is less about pushing your luck and more about managing your injuries

…your first two questions about nights out include, “Is there a line?” and “Will there be seating?”

…”hitting the bottle” on a Friday night takes on a whole new meaning when all your friends have kids

…it takes half the amount of drinks to feel twice the effects

…the time needed to recover from said drinks doubles

…those college “glory days” stories lose their luster just a bit when you realize they happened more than a decade ago

…you start mispronouncing names of young starlets and new bands (I may never live down “Skillrex”)

…you look through those “at any age” collages of celebs and start identifying with people at the far end of the spectrum

…three words: mysterious aches & pains

…cramming six people into one hotel room on a road trip is no longer adventurous; it’s annoying

…you have no problem spending more on things like good food, wine, beer, furniture and direct flights

…you begrudgingly accept a dinner reservation that starts after 8 p.m….and then pack your purse with TUMS

…you find it increasing difficult to decipher ‘teen talk. What the hell does “on fleek” mean?!

…your shoes start getting sectioned off into “walking” and “non-walking” categories

…shoes of the “non-walking” variety are typically worn on nights when you’ve only got to get from the car to the restaurant

…someone younger teaches you about the existence of “new” technology (thanks, Stacey, for the voice text tutorial)

…girls’ night conversations that used to be about dating now revolve around real estate

…you occasionally need to pause and actually do some math when people ask your age

…the songs you rocked out to in high school are now starting to be played on the “classic rock” channel

…you realize you’re actually ok with all of this, and

…you’re excited to officially enter your mid-thirties tomorrow with a strong sense of self and the ability to not take things too seriously 🙂

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